I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
