The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize