I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
