did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
