Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
