yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
