I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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