the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
