i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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