I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize