my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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