Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
