Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
