so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
