I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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