Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
