he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
