So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
