So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
