moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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