Swine flu. Run for my life!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
