i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
