Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
