There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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