Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
