i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
