i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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