the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
