Your tits are I can't wait for
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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