she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
