it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize