so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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