Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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