whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
