just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
