I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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