The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
