I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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