I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
