Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Omg I joined a choir last night...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
