you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
