you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Randomize
