The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
