i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
