She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
