Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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