There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I need to calm my uterus...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I think people are normalizing furries
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
