I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Even my vagina gasped.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
