so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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