He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
