hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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