Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize