i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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