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woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
