He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
