you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
