i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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