sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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