you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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