you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
