I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
