meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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