Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
