Nicole vs. Life
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize