so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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