please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
