Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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