I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
