Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
