16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
try to milk me bitch
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