My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I am spending my child support on dildos
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
my being single is dangerous.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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