Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
