So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
