theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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