I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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