I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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