Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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