do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
